On Your Shoulders
I was feeling a bit discouraged last week. I really couldn't put my finger on the real reason I felt that way. I had gone to bible study prepared for a dialogue over a book that had left me uneasy. This particular book was suggested reading by one of the mature classmates in the group (one who I truly respected) and me being one who feels obligated to contribute the majority of discussion during class ( sometimes with too much to say) I felt I had an obligation to point out some of the errors in the book. So I set out to get all my ducks in a row. I had put a fair amount of time thinking about, researching, and praying about the impending debate. Well, truth be told, after it was all said and done, I felt like I didn't do so hot. I felt like I let my Lord down, like I missed the point and dropped the ball and came up short. Funny thing is the feedback I got from everyone else was positive.
Well maybe I fooled them but I can't fool God. I guess that's what had me disappointed. I really wanted to do right by Him. Not just look like I knew what I was talking about (to others). I wanted to know what I knew and I wanted to show it (and share it). I wanted to make a point, take a stand, set the record straight; when, all I did was talk a lot and say things that confused others. Usually I get upset when I look foolish to others. That was not the case this time. I just felt foolish to Him. And that was worse.
I clearly didn't know what I was talking about. Or didn't I? Didn't make a difference. The damage had already been done. I blew it. The other issue that kept playing in my mind was... what was my goal? What did I intend to prove and why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut. Why? Why? Why? Satan was having a party on my percieved failure. And I was letting him. Ugh.
What to do?
Well if you are me you turn on the radio. My "Cure for Cranky" I call it. The WORD Fm would lift me out of this pit. So... off to the radio! There, He got my attention.
I had heard this particular song before, I just never really listened to it. ( I am done with that dangerous stuff too- how are you supposed to learn anything if you don't pay attention?) Anyway, if you want to sing along to this catchy number go to http://www.francescamusic.com/tracks/free-to-be-me-lyrics you can read along and listen at the same time. Francesa Battistelli sings...
At twenty years of age
I'm still looking for a dream
A war is already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can't always see,
'cause...I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
When I was just a girl
I thought I had it figured out
See my life will turn out right
And I'll make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt,
'cause...I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
And you're free to be you
Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and you tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it's easy to believe,
Even though...
I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
And you're free to be you
"Free to be me"
Francesca Battistelli
Psalm 139:23-24 says "Search me, O God and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting."
He sees our heart. He will determine if our intentions are in the right place. He gets to judge. Not us. We can't even judge ourselves because we can't see the whole picture. And as He leads us to maturity ( We start off on milk. but only on solid food will we begin to grow in righteousness. and only then, By constant use we will begin to see the difference between good and evil.) He will illunimate the truth (and the untruth).
You see I was trying to fit the pieces together as He was leading me. I felt less than perfect because I am not Him. Sometimes I bumble up the words and end up confusing people with my clumsiness. Perfection is not for me. He is the only perfect One. However, because I am His and He is mine I get to share in a little of that as I ride along on His shoulders. He lets me see as He knows I can handle it. I must constantly nourish my self on the solid food of His word - if my infant body can only digest milk, the solid food won't be good - this God knows. We feel as if we have nothing good to bring but, God sees our heart, and we do bring something good to the discussion when we bring Him.
Paul's writing to the Ephesians suggsts that we will reach maturity with unity in the faith and knowledge of the Son of God. And then, we will no longer be infants influenced by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and crafty schemes of men (things found in the book I just read). Paul continues by saying in Ephesians 4:15 "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ." . In all things we will grow. In being loving (like Him) we will grow!
Maybe it's because I get to sit on His shoulders and look out over the crowd.
Well maybe I fooled them but I can't fool God. I guess that's what had me disappointed. I really wanted to do right by Him. Not just look like I knew what I was talking about (to others). I wanted to know what I knew and I wanted to show it (and share it). I wanted to make a point, take a stand, set the record straight; when, all I did was talk a lot and say things that confused others. Usually I get upset when I look foolish to others. That was not the case this time. I just felt foolish to Him. And that was worse.
I clearly didn't know what I was talking about. Or didn't I? Didn't make a difference. The damage had already been done. I blew it. The other issue that kept playing in my mind was... what was my goal? What did I intend to prove and why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut. Why? Why? Why? Satan was having a party on my percieved failure. And I was letting him. Ugh.
What to do?
Well if you are me you turn on the radio. My "Cure for Cranky" I call it. The WORD Fm would lift me out of this pit. So... off to the radio! There, He got my attention.
I had heard this particular song before, I just never really listened to it. ( I am done with that dangerous stuff too- how are you supposed to learn anything if you don't pay attention?) Anyway, if you want to sing along to this catchy number go to http://www.francescamusic.com/tracks/free-to-be-me-lyrics you can read along and listen at the same time. Francesa Battistelli sings...
At twenty years of age
I'm still looking for a dream
A war is already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can't always see,
'cause...I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
And on my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
When I was just a girl
I thought I had it figured out
See my life will turn out right
And I'll make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt,
'cause...I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
And you're free to be you
Sometimes I believe
That I can do anything
Yet other times I think
I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and you tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it's easy to believe,
Even though...
I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
And you're free to be you
"Free to be me"
Francesca Battistelli
Psalm 139:23-24 says "Search me, O God and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting."
He sees our heart. He will determine if our intentions are in the right place. He gets to judge. Not us. We can't even judge ourselves because we can't see the whole picture. And as He leads us to maturity ( We start off on milk. but only on solid food will we begin to grow in righteousness. and only then, By constant use we will begin to see the difference between good and evil.) He will illunimate the truth (and the untruth).
You see I was trying to fit the pieces together as He was leading me. I felt less than perfect because I am not Him. Sometimes I bumble up the words and end up confusing people with my clumsiness. Perfection is not for me. He is the only perfect One. However, because I am His and He is mine I get to share in a little of that as I ride along on His shoulders. He lets me see as He knows I can handle it. I must constantly nourish my self on the solid food of His word - if my infant body can only digest milk, the solid food won't be good - this God knows. We feel as if we have nothing good to bring but, God sees our heart, and we do bring something good to the discussion when we bring Him.
Paul's writing to the Ephesians suggsts that we will reach maturity with unity in the faith and knowledge of the Son of God. And then, we will no longer be infants influenced by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and crafty schemes of men (things found in the book I just read). Paul continues by saying in Ephesians 4:15 "Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ." . In all things we will grow. In being loving (like Him) we will grow!
Maybe it's because I get to sit on His shoulders and look out over the crowd.
Comments