Can you hear me NOW??

Been feeling a bit lost. Not the "I don't know where I am" kind of lost but the "I don't know where I am going" kind of lost. I know I am in Christ and I know what awaits me at the end of this earthly life but while I am here I am not quite sure who He wants me to be with Him or for that matter which way I am supposed to go. I don't feel Him leading me right now and it is a bit unnerving. I am confused by the pulls I feel from the world, careful not to seek the approval of men (Gal 1:10) but to be a servant of Christ. How do I know that this is what Jesus wants of me?
I open my Bible, praying first that the Holy Spirit would reveal things to me that I can apply to my day. I ask for direction; guidance. I hunger and thrist for understanding. Maybe that's the problem. I might be asking for the wrong thing. We are supposed to hunger and thirst for righteousness. (Matthew 5:6) Isn't that implied when I ask God for HIS direction? Hmm...
I feel like my talk with Jesus is a dropped cell phone call. I get connected and then the call gets dropped. I don't think it is His phone. Must be mine. Is the antenna broken? or is the tower that sends and recieves calls got something in the way the clear line? Am I living in a dead zone? Oh, Lord I hope not. I want to recieve His call and I don't want the important instructions to be static-y or jumbled in a mess of confusing half-missing syllables and silence. How though? I feel like I don't control the function of the tower.
I am reminded that I can simply ask and expect to recieve.

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God,
who gives generously to all without finding fault,
and it will be given to him.
James 1:5
It takes faith. A topic flooding my life over the past few days. Though the direction might be different, the implication AND application are the same. God is and always will be faithful to give as we need. We can count on that. Even if what we NEED is not what we would expect. Maybe I need to change my expectations.

Lord,
If I have to change anything to have clearer reception with You I ask that You reveal it to me. Lord, I seek you. I know where to find you I just can't seem to get a good, open line. Could You cut through the muck for me (since You are Lord of all) and take my hand and lead me in Your ways of righteousness that I might find Your approval in all I do? I pray that You might do this quickly since I am getting scared, aware of my own shortcomings. I can't do this alone. Help me Lord! I know You can hear me.

Comments

Heidi...I so understand your current plight. Maybe try some silent time with God...just five minutes to start and then gradually increase the amount each week. Sometimes I find myself doing all the talking and not much listening and then realize when I am quiet...He was there all the time!

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