It hurts so good?

These words echo in my mind...."It hurts so good, doesn't it?" This question , made more like a statement, came from a very dear and respectable godly woman who I am sure has had her own experiences with this very type of hurting. The "it" being referred to here is the conviction I am feeling. Golly, "it" does hurt "good" but the pain I am feeling is more like confusion.
I can't shake this feeling that I am not doing something that God wants me to do. I want to surrender to Him. The reason I am hurting right now so much is related directly to the apparent limits I have in that ability.
I am caught in the Romans 7 "do-do" trap. How do I do what He wants me to do? What do I stop doing? How do I change? What do I change? I am really starting to dislike "change" because I can't define it. I feel like I can only see through foggy glasses. The forms are there but nothing is clear. The complication extends to and intertwines with each and every relationship I have with EVERYONE in my life and I can't see a solution. With each passing day another "issue" arises.
I really didn't want this blog to be an avenue to vent and I am fully aware that this is what this is beginning to sound like. As I write I am convicted that my understanding is limited and that I owe it to my Creator to do what I have been created to do. Shall I start there and see what happens as a result?
Off I go to worship Him. That is what I have been created for. To give Him
glory.
To humble myself in His magnificence and await instruction. I will wait on my "Lord". My marching orders will come when He is ready to send me.
For now...I wait. I surrender to His lordship and deny my selfish desire to impose my own ideas on the situation.

Lord,
My life is yours. I surrender to You. I ask You to lead me in the way You have in mind. The plans (dreams) You have for my life are what I want. Please reveal to me what I am to do first and I will follow You whatever the cost to my own pride or my own comfort. I will need your help, I know it (though I won't ask for it.) I know the enemy has been granted permission to complicate things and that this is a battle that I will need my armor for. But, I can also see you fighting for me, keeping the enemy at bay, just like in the "Everything" skit. Thank you. I love you too.

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